Do I constantly think about cancer?

Yes and No. My life is surrounded by cancer, accept it or not. Each time when we plan something for the future, it always secretly creeps to my mind: am I still going to be around? Cancer forced me to say good-bye to my career, cancer paralyzed my right hand, and cancer put my family though such a difficult ordeal. Of course I constantly think about cancer.

But also no. After 3 years, I’ve kind of learnt how to live with cancer. Cancer is not up front and center in my mind. Everyday in the morning, when I open my eyes the first thing I do is looking through the window at the sunshine. I’m happy today is a sunny day, but I’m more thrilled if it is cloudy because I’m slightly more excited when it is raining. I walk every day for at least 1.5 hours, roughly 7,000 steps and 5 km, with the goal of 10,000 steps in mind. I read for several hours. Walking and reading are part of my virtue with my classical music or Jazz in the background. I enjoy making breakfast and dinner for my husband and my kids (while they stay with us), though I wish I could cook better. I work in the garden but I wish I were a better gardener. I go to the cottage, sit on the deck, enjoy the sunshine and the sunset over the lake. I thoroughly enjoy everything. Everyday I have lot to do and never have enough time to finish. How can you finish your life? But it’s ok, tomorrow I’ll continue. No, cancer is not always in my mind anymore.

Every 3 months I’ll have a CT, MRI and blood work. At the same time I see my doctors. I’ll fit doctors’ appointments into my schedule, this is very important; the highest priority. Each time before the checkups, I’m anxious. But I stay quite calm when it’s the time to have these tests and see the doctors. I remember, before I was sick, for several years I was very afraid of flying, each time I would have to make peace with god to get on the airplane. Now I handle the doctors with so much ease.

Life is short, be nice to people, do whatever is dearest to your heart. Stay in peace!


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